Cold-blooded Murtagh takes on Donald Trump's spinner
The Cricket Paper, September 6
In an era of outrageous claims, fact-checking and fake news, this was one statement from the US election of which we could be certain.
In mid-July, Tim Murtaugh told the Twitterverse, in blunt, crystal-clear terms that “I have never played cricket”.
Of course, Tim Murtagh has represented Middlesex and Surrey since the turn of the millennium, adding a few Irish caps along the way. Whereas Tim Murtaugh is the Director of Communications for Donald Trump’s re-election campaign.
Both accounts possess the blue tick of authenticity and the American’s name is pronounced Mur-TAR, which sounds as if it should be spelt like the cricketer’s. Therefore that extra “u” means @TJMurtagh has been getting a string of angry tweets that should have been directed to @TimMurtaugh.
And, rather wickedly, he decided to reply.
Back in July, his opening delivery on the issue read: “I can neither confirm nor deny that @TimMurtaugh who is running Trump’s re-election campaign and a guy who bowls gentle outswing are the same person.”
It was that which eventually drew the emphatic (and slightly boring) denial from the American.
However, not for the first time, a statement from Trump’s communication team merely poured fuel on the flames. The political bouncers continued to fly at the Middlesex man so he decided to start hooking.
After being called “a complete retard” in a tweet that ended with “maybe you should take up baking”, he replied: “Ignorance is bliss and, by the way, I do make a mean banana bread”. When asked “where’s your doctor’s degree, idiot?”, Murtagh came back with “I do have a Desmond Tutu in Sports Science from St Mary’s University”.
Last week, after receiving a diatribe claiming “DONALD TRUMP IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LIVES LOST”, he tweeted back at his namesake asking if everything was alright, adding: “October is usually a quiet month for us county cricketers [so] I’ll have more time and energy to respond then”.
All these shenanigans do pose the question, who is the wittiest county cricketer on Twitter, aka the James Blunt of the Shires?
Durham bowler Chris Rushworth (@ChrisRush22) makes the podium, not so much for his jocularity, though he did toast the long-since postponed start of the 2020 cricket season on April 15 by donning full whites, pads, helmet and grabbing his bat to sit in his garden and sink a few beers. No, his account is that of a down-to-earth, hard-working pro; full of celebratory shots, gym sessions as well as family time and watching Sunderland AFC.
While Murtagh has certainly taken the opportunity that landed in his lap, perhaps Jack Brooks (@BrooksyFerret) possesses the most personality. He spends much of his time commenting on cricket-related posts from elsewhere, talking about Oxford United and promoting the Barmy Army podcast he co-hosts. However, the hirsute Somerset paceman with the pre-pandemic headband interacts with fans and fellow cricketers much more than most while always retaining the ability to bowl the odd snorter. Last month, he posted “Northampton, I’ve missed you” alongside a video that gradually zoomed in on a man sitting at the next table in a café. He chats casually as two big red words come into focus on his plain white T-shirt – F**k Off. Hardly subtle, slightly offensive yet very funny.
It won’t match Murtagh of course, who could easily stretch his joke all the way to election night on November 3. Though I suggest he take the Winston Churchill approach. I don’t mean suddenly become statesman-like or convene a War Cabinet in St John’s Wood, just take the time to script his ab-libs. After all, there will be no surprise in the deliveries coming his way.
And, of course, Murtagh might want to entice Murtaugh to Lord’s next season. Although the American has officially denied his cricketing prowess, one suspects he may be an exponent of world-class spin in the next couple of months.
* Read The Grumbler column The Cricket Paper, every Sunday during the season
* Read The Grumbler column The Cricket Paper, every Sunday during the season
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